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《Mom No Teach I Teach》EP3:
Why I can't get wet? Arousal Non-Concordance Explained

22 Apr 2022
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話說有日有個女仔問我「Vera,尋日我同男友做愛,我都好享受,好興奮,但妹妹就唔係好濕,搞到男友好唔開心... 我明明好興奮,但又唔濕,係咪我有問題?」今日的題目就係想講下「High 係咪就等於濕?」

一直以來,我地都會以為陰部濕潤就 no等同性興奮,等同於產生性慾,等同於想做愛,等同於準備好陰莖進入。甚至我們會把陰部濕潤代表對方享唔享受,興唔興奮,自己能力嘅指標。

今日我好想好想帶出一個重要叫做「性反應和性興奮不一致」的概念比大家。

有性研究員就做個一個研究,想觀察女人和男人主觀地感覺到的興奮程度,同佢地性器官反應之間是否相符。分別邀請男人和女人,係一個安靜房間內,觀賞各式各樣的色情影片,同時間男的陰莖上帶上一個量度陰莖充血程度的儀器,手上拿全刻度盤去,可以調高調低紀錄自己的性興奮程度。女的陰道放入可以測量性器官血液流量的儀器,手上拿全刻度盤去,可以調高調低紀錄自己的性興奮程度。

最後實驗的結果顯示,男性生殖器對「性相關」刺激源的反應,和男性大腦對「有性吸引力」刺激源的反應之間約有 50% 的重疊,而女性生殖器對「性相關」刺激源的反應,和女性大腦對「有性吸引力」刺激源的反應之間約有10%的重疊。即係話女性感覺到的性興奮以及她的性器官反應程度,兩者之間並無可以預測的關係。

亦都即係你可以好享受做緊的愛,但陰部係唔濕潤。而你亦可以係陰部好濕潤,但係唔享受做緊的愛。WHAT????

點解會咁呢?

因為性器官的反應只係呢件事係同性有關,同個樣野有無性吸引力係兩回事。就好似你都聽過呢個實驗Pavlov's Dog 的實驗,每次餵小狗食野前都會先響一響個鈴,久而久之,小狗一聽到鈴聲,就會流口水。小狗流口水唔係因為想食個鈴鈴,而係因為佢地將鈴鈴同食物連系左。同樣道理,性器官都會係生活中學習乜野係同性相關的事物,久而久之,當遇到和性相關的事物時,性器官都會自動習慣性地產生反應。而真正決定個事物有無性吸引力,係我地個大腦,而唔係性器官。

如果你身體總係無辦法配合到你的心理狀態,咁點算呢?

1. 你要記住你係健康,正常同完整的
你的身體無問題,你個腦都無問題,你的身體只係盡忠職守,做緊身體做的事。既然你係正常的,就請平心靜氣同自信地話比你的另一半知現在的你係正常的。

2. 用其他的方式話比伴侶知你已經有感覺
話比佢聽「我的性反應不一定和我的主觀感受有關,請注意我說的話,而不是我的陰部。」Use your words! 只有你先能準確地告訴伴侶自己想要什麼和感覺如何。當然不是每個人都可以自在地表達性慾望和性興奮,你可以將想法簡單地以「好」「仲想要」「唔駛啦唔該」慢慢地習慣在性生活中將感覺表達出來。

3. 在不夠濕潤的情況下,請用潤滑液來幫幫手
潤滑液的用途就是減少摩擦帶來的不適,提升性歡愉的程度。潤滑液係你的朋友,唔係敵人。

男朋友,如果你睇到呢條片,你要知道,佢濕唔化表你勁,唔濕亦唔代表你唔吸引。男人都可能試過想做愛,但勃唔起,又或者著褲太緊,坐巴士磨擦到陰莖而無啦啦勃起啦~

性反應和性興奮不一致性器官的反應並不代表慾望,甚至不代表愉悅,佢只係單純的生理反應。

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(Scroll down for English version.)

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A female follower asked me the other day: Vera, I enjoyed my sex with my boyfriend yesterday and I was very aroused. Yet, my vagina was dry (or not as wet) and my boyfriend wasn't happy with it...I don't understand. I was turned on but I wasn't wet. What's wrong with me?

So today's topic is : Is getting aroused equal to getting wet?

All along, we assume that women sexual wetness matches with her arousal level, her desire, her "YES" to sex and her readiness for penetration. We will even see
the level of vaginal wetness as the honest ( 可唔要honest)indicator for her enjoyment, excitment and the sexual capability of her partner.

I am extremely eager to share an extremely important concept today : Arousal non-concordance (or non-concordance between genital response and subjective arousal.)

There was a research studying how much of a match there is between the men and women's subjective arousal (how aroused one feels) and their genital response respectively.

The researcher invited male and female participants to a quiet room respectively for them to watch a variety of porn segments alone. Device was strapped to the male participant's penis and inserted into the female particpant's vagina to measure their gential blood flow. Meanwhile, both the men and women were given a tray which they could dial up and down to register the arousal level they were feeling.

The experiment result: For the male participants, there is 50 percent overlap between genital response and the subjective arousal. While for the female participants, there is only 10 percent overlap between genital response and the subjective arousal.

That is: There is NO predictive relationship between how aroused a woman feels and how much her genital responses—statistically speaking insignificant.

That means a woman can enjoy her sex very much when her vagina is not wet at all. Vice Versa, a vagina can wet like a waterfall but the master isn't aroused at all.

WHAT???? Why it is that?

It is because genital response is specific to sexually relevant stimuli, regardless of whether those stimuli are sexually appealing. Heard of Pavlov's Dog study ? Pavlov sounded the bell every time before he fed the dog. Eventually, when the dog heard the bell rang, it began to salivate. The dog salivates, not because the bell is appetizing. It is because the dog had learnt to associate food with the bell ring stimulus . Our gential also learnt what stimuli are sexually relevant from our socialization and life experience. Our genital gives automatic, trained response to something that is sexually relevant, regardless if it is sexually appealing.

What if my body response and my feelings are not in concord? What should I do?

1. Always keep in mind: you are perfectly healthy, normal and fine.
Your body and brains are not broken. Your body is just doing what it should do and it is designed to do. Now that you know you and your body are fine and normal, please tell your partner about it calmly and confidently.

2.Tell your partner about your feelings in your own way.
Tell your partner that your gential response does not necessarily correlate with what you are subjectively feeling. Tell them to pay attention to your words, not your vagina. Use your words! Only yourself can articulate what you are feeling and thinking. Though not everyone is capable to express their sexual desires and exitment freely at the moment , you can always start from basic. A simple " Yes", " I want more", " No, please" is enough. Gradually learn how to express yourself in your intimate life.

3. Use LUBE whenever it is needed!
The function of lubricant is to lessen the uncomfort of friction in penetration and to enhance sexual enjoymnet. Lubricant is your friend, not your enemy.

Guys, if you are watching this video, please be noted that when her vagina gets wet, it doesn't mean that you are superb. And when her vagina doesn't get wet, it doesn't mean that you are unattractive. Men also have the experience of getting aroused but not erected or get erected on public transport when wearing tight trousers which gives friction in movement.

With the concept of arousal non-concordance, the gential response doesn't tell one's desire or enjoyment. It is only and solely a physiological response.
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